37 things to do in an elevator: Halo Style!
by Spartan 31337
Summary: Spartan Black team gets trapped in an elevator. Insanity ensues.
1. Chapter 1: The Madness Begins

37 Things to do in an Elevator: Halo style

Me: Well?

Makarov: So lemme get zis straight. It's a story, about an elevator.

Me: _THE _elevator.

Makarov: Zat is ze most ridiculous zing I have ever heard!

Mario: Oh _Shut Up _Makarov!

Miranda: Quiet you Neanderthal!

Mario: What's a Neanderthal?

1. Get stuck in an elevator.

Makarov, a Spartan with blue and green commando armor walked into the elevator with 1337, a Spartan with a red and gold JFO helmet, Assault/sapper chest, a tactical/tacpad, CQC shoulders and FJ/Para knees. Miranda, a Spartan with multicamo Scout armor, Price, with red Air assault armor, Mario, with black Grenadier armor and Jack, with yellow CQC everything, were already in the elevator.

"Hmph. Big elevator." Remarked 1337. There was enough space in the elevator to fit at least 10 more Spartans. Makarov pushed the button to go to the 4th floor. The elevator went up, and then a few seconds later it stopped. "Where's the ding?" asked Mario. Makarov shrugged. The bell still didn't ring. Then 1337 came to this realization: "OH GOD! WE'RE TRAPPED IN HERE! TRAPPED I TELL YOU! ! THE ELEVATOR IS STUCK! AND THERE'S NO WAY OUT OF HERE! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE IN THIS THING! I KNEW I SHOULD HAVE NEVER GOT ON THIS SCREAMING METAL DEATH TRAP IN THE FIRST PLACE!"

Then Makarov slapped 1337. "Pull yourself together! We're not gonna die in here!" "Uh… Guys." Mario said nervously. "What?" asked Price. Mario pointed at the very back of the elevator. "There's nothing there you idiot." Said Makarov. Then the ghost of Michael Jackson appeared. "Ha ha ha! You are trapped in my elevator of doom! You will never get out without divine intervention!" "WE'RE DOOMED!" Then God's fist came down and crushed Michael Jackson's ghost "You're still gonna be stuck here forever…" "DOOMED I TELL YOU!"

Me: Well whaddaya think of the pilot?

Layla: It was gay.

Makarov: GTFO OF MY FANFICTION! *kicks Layla offstage*

All: *0_e*

Me: I… Uh… I think I'll end it here.


	2. Chapter 2: Stuck

37 Things to do in an Elevator: Halo Style!

Chapter 2: Stuck.

Me: Yay! Second chapter!

1337: I hate my life, I HATE THE AUTHOR, I hate the Covenant, I hate noble team, kill me now.

Noble 6: Hey!

2: Recap what happened last chapter.

Makarov's head was swimming. "1337." He said. "Yes?" Replied the new recruit. "Vat just happened?" 1337 stroked an imaginary goatee. "Well, we got in an elevator to go up to Monty's dressing room for a party, but the elevator stalled and we got stuck. Then Michael Jackson's ghost appeared and said that we would be trapped in here for all eternity. But then God's fist came down and pummeled him. So here we are, five minutes later, after asking every member of the team to recount what just happened." Said 1337. "Oh." Said Makarov.

3: Play Solitaire

"Jack!" Yelled Miranda. "What?" Yelled Jack back. "Why are you playing Solitaire at a time like this?" "It's fun, duh." "Liar!" "Okay, it's a good time killer." Miranda rolled her eyes under her helmet. "We should be focusing our energy on something more productive! Like training! Or trying to get out of this place!" Jack shushed Miranda. "Silence grasshopper, I have just acquired the Jack of Spades."

4: Make fun of the name "Jack".

…Then Mario burst out laughing. "You're named after a card? Ha Ha Ha!" Jack tried to peacefully continue with his game. "Wow! I would be embarrassed if I were you! Named after a card… How do you sleep at night? Wait! You don't cuz you're so embarrassed about being named after a card! Man! Your parents must have hated you to give you a name like Jack!"

5: Make fun of the name "Mario"

Jack slowly turned to face Mario. If one had looked under his helmet at that time, you would find an expression "And YOU sir, are named after a fat, bite-sized plumber that was featured in a game over 500 years ago!" Mario froze in his tracks. "Yes you're right! I'm imperfect! I'm a menace to society! I'm not fit to be a Spartan!"

Me: Well.

Layla: Not as gay as-

Makarov: I thought I got rid of you! *Kicks Layla out of the building*

I facepalm

Andrew: 1337 doesn't own Halo, Solitaire, or Super Mario.

Makarov: GTFO!


	3. Chapter 3: Insanity's seeds

37 Things to do in an Elevator: Halo Style!

Chapter 3: Insanity's seeds

1337: Hi! It's me, 1337. The athour's annoying little brother! 31337's sick today so...

Makarov: He'll be doing the commentary and stuff.

Mario: May god have mercy on our souls...

Miranda: The idiot actually got something right this time.

Mario: Thank you. I take gread pride in my stupinity.

6: Write the first thing that comes out of your head when you first wake up.

Mario was running around the elevator shouting, "True fruit deal! True fruit deal!" Makarov was watching from the middle of the room. "Do you sink that ve should help him?" He asked. Price turned around to face Makarov. "Oh hell no. This is bloody brilliant." He said. Then he resumed watching.

Then Mario ran up to Makarov. "Fruitface!" He yelled. "I need the true fruit deal! NAO!" Makarov turned on his helmet communicator and said to the rest of team, (excluding Mario) "Dafqu is fruitface?" "It's you." Miranda said, trying to supress laughter. Mario slammed a 100 dollar bill in Makarov's face. "Gimme the true fruit!" He yelled. Makarov picked the bill off of his face. "Now vhere did Mario get money like zis..." Makarov said as he stuffed the bill in his pocket. He pulled an apple-shaped cooler out of his lunch box and handed it to Mario. Mario took the cooler and yelled "THANK YOU!" and then he skipped away.

7: Find out you didn't get the "True fruit deal"

Mario was happily skipping along when he removed his helmet and attempted to bite the cooler. After that, he slowly removed the plastic from his mouth, turned to Makarov, and yelled, "THIS ISN'T TRUE F***ING FRUIT! IT'S M*********ING PLASTIC! D*** THIS AND YOUR SOUL TO F***ING HELL YOU B******!" Mario then threw the cooler at Makarov and began chasing him around with an energy sword.

8: Decide to never eat fruit again.

1337, after seeing what happened between Makarov and Mario, vowed never to eat fruits again. 1337 Turned to the rest of the team. "I! Spartan 1337! Solemnly swear to NEVER eat fruit again!" Miranda slapped 1337. "SHUT UP!" She yelled. "We're trying to watch Makarov and Mario kill each-other."

9: Get killed by Mario.

"uh... vait!" Makarov yelled. Mario stopped his relentless assault. "What do you want? Blasphemist." He said. Makarov was desperate. "Ve... Ve can verk this out. Ve are civillized people... Right? Mario threw down his energy sword. "You're right fruitface. We can work this out." Mario extended a hand to Makarov. Makarov took his hand. Then he noticed that Mario had pulled them together, and that there was a knife in his back. Mario let go of Makarov, who took a few steps back. He looked down at the knife protruding from his stomach. "Errrrrrr... Crap." he said before collapsing.

10: Break the fourth wall.

1337 started waving his hands around. "Whoa whoa whoa whoa WHOA!" He turned to face the director. "What the hell?" The director facepalmed. "CUT!" He yelled. The director got up from his director's chair. "What?" 1337 Pointed to Makarov's lifeless body. The director sighed. "Oh, _that_." he said. The director straightened up. "Surveys show that 75% of readers prefer character death. "SO?" 1337 yelled. The director shrugged. 1337 then pulled out a magnum. "Wait." Said the director. "Let's not be hasty, I'm confident we can-" then 1337 shot him in the head. Then he yelled to the marines that were controlling the set. "Have someone get my older brother's lawyers! I need Makarov revieved by the next chapter!" The marines saluted. "Sir yes sir!" Then 1337 looked at the body of the director. "And a new director!"

1337: Well, that went well.

Miranda: I guess it did.

Mario: Yeah. Nice job n00b.

Makarov gave 1337 a thumbs up

Me: Stupid director... A- Ah- ACHOO! I... I should be getting some rest... See you in a few chapters... Bye...


	4. Chapter 4: 5700P1D 1N73RW3BZ!

37 Things to do in an Elevator: Halo Style!

Chapter 4: St00p1d 1nt3rw3bZ!

1337: Yaay!

Makarov: Oh god, he's lost it.

Me: No, he's just happy that- ACHOO! there are positive reviews from a Canadian guy, a god, a gamer and a Philosoraptor hunter.

Mario: You think that jumping around, kissing Halsey and Chief, (no, we don't know how he got him to take off his helmet either) taking us out to dinner, and being optimistic is happy?

Me: Well... He did always- ACHOO! Always lean twards me in the insanity department.

Price: Go figure...

1337: My older brother doesn't own Halo! Or the internet or anything else excluding us! Yaaaaaaay!

Everybody facepalms.

11: Go on the internet.

"AGH!" Miranda yelled, throwing her hands in the air. "FINE! FINE! If you don't want to break out of this elevator annd sccumb to the madness that-" "Madness?" Mario said, looking up from his computer. He got up and turned to face Miranda. "THIS!" He started walking twards her "IS!" He broke out into a run "HALO!" And with a mighty kick he kicked her across the room. Miranda got up. "Why you little-" "FALCON! PAWNCH!" He yelled, drawing the energy of the universe into a single punch that drove Miranda into the wall. Then mario jumped back and produced a Spartan Lazer From... Somewhere. "IMMA FIRIN MAH LAZAR!" He yelled before the laser fired, there was a huge explosion and, miraculously, Miranda and the Elevator were unharmed, though Miranda was a bit dazed. Miranda then pulled together the last of her strength to give Mario the finger before passing out.

12: Ask why Makarov and Price are Makarov and Price.

1337 took a deep breath and walked up to Makarov and Price. "Umm..." Makarov and Price looked at 1337. 1337 took a deep breath and spoke, "Why are you guys named after two very important people in the Call of Duty franchise? I mean, it's not like I'm questioning your loyalty to the Halo series, it's just that I'm wondering why you guys are named that. It's not like I'm trying to intrude in your personal lives but I'm curious. I mean... You guys never talk about your personal lives and a guy could get suspicious... Not like I'm suspicious but someone else could be suspicious. I'm not implying that I think you guys are traitors or anything, in fact, I think that you guys are the most trustworthy people I know! But you don't have to tell me if you don't want, it's just a question... A stupid little question..." Makarov and Price glanced at each-other. Five minutes later... 1337 was walking away from Makarov and Price. "Well?" Miranda asked. 1337 took a deep breath and was about to speak when miranda said, "Hey... When did you get those two dents in your helmet?"

13: Order pizza.

Jack was pacing around the elevator mumbling, "It should have arrived by now." Makarov came up behind him "Vat should have arrived by now." Jack took a step back. "Nothing nothing! It's just..." He said hastily. "Just vat?" "Well-" Jack was saved the answer by a dude with about five-hundred pizza boxes stacked one on top of the other appeared. "Someone order a crap-ton of pepperoni pizzas?" He asks. Jack walks up to him and takes the pizzas from him. "That'll be me." He said. "Okey-dokey then, just sign here." The pizza guy said, holding up a paper. Jack pulled out a pen and signed the paper. "Okay then, everything checks out, see you later." Said the pizza guy before he teleported away. Makarov turned to Jack. "Vho is paying for all of zis?" Makarov yelled. Jack turned to Makarov "You are. I memorized you credit card number. "YOU VHAT?" Makarov yelled. Sure enough, after getting Mario off of his computer and checking his bank account, there was a five-thousand dollar gap in his bank account. "!"

14: Make a sammich

Jack's stomach growled. "Hmm..." He said. Jack turned around. "Miranda, sweethart-" "I AM NOT YOUR SWEETHEART!" "Sorry hun, but can YOU MAKE ME A FREAKING SAMMICH RIGHT NAO!" Miranda then threw a jar of peanut butter, a jar of jelly, cheese, bread, lettuce and tomtoes at Jack's face. "Make your own GODD*** SAMMICH!

15: Play Contra.

1337 threw his hands up in exasparation. "F*** THIS GAME! IT'S SO F***ING HARD GODD***IT I WISH THIS S***** GAME WOULD TAKE THE F***ING TRAIN TO F*** HELL SO I NEVER HAVE TO SEE IT'S B**** FACE EVER AGAIN IN MY F***ING LIFE!" He then got an assault rifle and started shooting Makarov's NES. The entire team was watching. Makarov finally realized that that was _his NES_. "Hey! Zat's vintage!" He yelled before tackling 1337. Jack giggled before he whispered to Miranda, "Three words, anger manegemant class." Miranda nodded, before they resumed watching 1337 and Makarov try to kill each-other, who somehow had aquired enery swords.

1337: Whoa.

Me: ACHOO! That's insane... Even for me...

Jack: I will be scarred for life.

All: Ditto.

Ditto: DITTO!

Me: !


	5. Chapter 5: WTF?

37 Things to do in an Elevator: Halo Style!

Chapter 5: ...WTF?

Me: YETH! *runs off*

Makarov: Vat is he so happy about?

1337: New episode of AT with his favorite pairing.

Miranda: Flaminn.

Mario: We're all watching it.

Makarov: I guess I vill too.

Jack: 31337 doesn't own AT or Halo or Flaminn or Harry Potter... I guess that's it. Oh! And he doesn't own My Little Pony. (Who would?)

16: Be an optimist

Makarov turned over in his sleep. "No Rainbow Dash... Don't shoot Pinkie Pie... Zombies eating your face now..." "Guys!" Makarov woke up instantly and pointed his pistol at the sound. (He sleeps with a pistol) "Whoa there Makarov." It was 1337 "Vat do you vant?" Makarov asks crossly. 1337 motions around the room. "Oh my gawd." They were standing in the middle of a living room. "How did zis-" "I built it while you were sleeping!" Jack got up and said, "D***." Miranda leaned against the wall. "How did you biuld this in one night?" 1337 laughed. "I had the Author teleport it in for me!" "What? "What?" "..."

17: Break the fourth wall. (Again)

Miranda slowly walked up to 1337 "1337?" He turned around. "Yes?" Miranda took a breath. "What did you mean when you said you had the authour teleport it in for you?" 1337 froze. Under his armor he started getting sweaty. "Miranda." "1337." "Can I trust you?" "Uh, yeah, sure." 1337 took a very deep breath. "We do not exist." "Wha-" "Our very actions are being dictated on a document on a computer." "I don't-" "This is all happening because the author writes it down." Miranda was silent for a few seconds. Then she slapped 1337. "Silly boy." Miranda walked away. After she was gone, 1337 let the breath that he didn't know he was holding out. Then he said to himself, "Good thing she didn't believe me, or the multiverse might have phased out of existince. Blip! Just like that. It's okay readers, you're safe... For now..."

18: Believe in magic.

Mario ran into the living room, where Makarov was reading a book, Jack and 1337 were playing a round of firefight, Price was passed out with several bottles of whiskey and Miranda was eating sushi. "GUYS!" He yelled so loud the guys at ONI swore they could hear it.

Noble 6 looked up from the Covenant he was blasting. "Did you hear that?" He asked Jorge. Jorge nodded. "Hey marines-" When 6 looked to the marines he didn't expect them to be rolling around with their ears bleeiding like crazy. 6 and Jorge stared at the marines and slowly walked away.

"OW MY EARS!" Yelled Miranda. Makarov took off his helmet and stuck his finger in his ear. He pulled out his finger and it was drenched in blood. "Euhh?" He yelled at Mario. Mario shrugged "Sorry dude, but look what I found!" He said holding up... "A pencil?" Mario shook his head and put the pencil down. "No you butts. It's a MAGICK PENCIL!1!1!111" Makarov facepalmed. 1337 just downright laughed. "You have got to be joking me! Magic? Really! That has to be the most absurd thing I have ever heard-" "Levicorpus!" "Oh, so now you're reciting Harry Potter? That is so- AAAH! PUT ME DOWN PUT ME DOWN PUT ME DOWN AAAH! PUT ME DOWN!" Mario lowered his pencil, and with a triumphant "Hmph." he walked back into his room.

19: Call your mom for their birthday.

Makarov was pacing in front of the rest of the team "Spartan Black Team, today ve face ze toughest challenge ve have ever faced..." "I really hope we get to blow somethin' up.." Mario whispers to 1337. Makarov activated the projector. "Calling my mom for her birthday!" On the screen was the pictures of a phone, a woman, and a birthday cake. Five seconds later, they were ready. Makarov had dialed his mom's number. "Hello?" "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" They all yelled. A sigh was present on the other end of the phone. "Makarov, it's not my birthday." "Well when is you birthday?" "Six months from now." "Oh... Well what'cha doing?" "OH nothing I'm just playing Farmville-" "Ahh!" Makarov yelled as he dropped the phone. He then produced a sledgehammer and started smashing the phone.

20: Role-play as Anime.

"Ka-" "Don't do it man." "Me-" "Im serious!" "Ha-" "Please no!" "Me-" "Eep!" "HA!" 1337 yelled, blasting a blue energy beam at Jack. "What the fu-" Jack uttered before the beam slammed into his face creating a rather large explosion. Jack got up from the rubble that had somehow materialized over his head. Mario facepalmed. "I told him not to do it..." He hung his head low. Then suddenly it snapped back up. "BUT I'M NOT DONE YET!" 1337 cocked his head. "What the huh?" He said before Mario exclaimed, "I'M GOING SUPER SPARTAN!" Then his armor and visor turned golden and his lower chest was replaced by a six-pack. No, he really had a six-pack of sodas duct-taped to his abs. 1337 smiled under his helmet. "Funally an opponent worthy of my stranth!" He yelled before they both ran twards each-other and were enveloped in punches, energy blasts and stranegly, confetti. Eventually they were on the ground, passed out. The rest of the team was in awe before Miranda uttered. "Flap-jam-cam-dam." And flew away on a rainbow pony made of living stardust to a land of root beer and candy.

Miranda: I can not even BEGIN to describe this.

All: Yep

Me: I LOVE being insane!


	6. Chapter 6: Music!

37 Things to do in an Elevator: Halo Style!

Chapter 6: I Really Need to Stop Listening to Music…

Me: Waaaah! I'm so sorry!

1337: Pull yourself together!

Me: It's my fault for not updating!

Makarov: *throws brick at my head* There, better?

Me: *K.O.* No…

Asdfasdfasdfasdfasdfasdfasdf asdfasdfasdfasdfasdfasdfasdf asdfasdfasdfasdfasdfasdfasdf asdfasdfasdfasd

21. Oppa Gangam Style!, "Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey! Sexy ladies-" 1337 sung, before Miranda chopped his head with a book. "MIRANDA CHOP!"

22. Sing Justin Bieber, 1337 got up on the chandelier and yelled "BABYYY BABYYY BABYYYY OOOOOOOOOH!" Mario banged his head on the wall and yelled for him to shut up. Miranda threw lemons at him. Makarov tried to shoot him down… with a rock. Jack ran into the other room and cried and Mario bobbed his head to the music. Eventually a random aquamarine-haired teenager warped in and beat him into submission with a negi (leek) and warped out.

23. Sing Rebecca Black, Makarov looked up "Crap, 1337 is on zhe chandelier again… I vonder vhat he's going to be singing zhis time." 1337 cleared his throat and began to sing, "IT'S FRIDAY FRIDAY GOTTA GET DOWN ON FRIYEEEDAY!-" Then he was beaten down by that guy/girl (I can't decide) that was like, "LEAVE BRRITNEY ALOWNE!" (Intentional misspell) Only this time, they were like, "LEAVE REBECCA ALONE!" So yeah.

24. Beat "Through the Fire and Flames" On Expert, 100%, It started out as a simple game, but it ended with Makarov shooting like crazy, 1337 Ragequiting with the help of explosives, Mario to beat the thing with no mistakes, Miranda screaming at Mario, asking him how the (bleep) he won, and a certain holy sword to appear out of nowhere. "FOOL!"

25. Sing in Japanese, Miranda jumped on the chandelier. "Now it's my turn…" She took a deep breath and sung, _"Sekai de ichi-ban OHIME-SAMA  
Sou iu atsukai KOKORO-ete  
Yo ne?" _

Unfortunately, the teenager came back and beat Miranda with a negi, and yelled "それは私の歌です!" Before teleporting away.

Me: -recovered from the brick- That was great! Also, If you can guess what show the "certain holy sword" is from, I will grant a request from you to put in my story, additionally if you can guess who the teenager is, I will also grant you a request, finally, if you can guess which language Miranda talks in, without using a translator, I will give you a request too. TTFN!


End file.
